I’ve been so confused, depressed and tired lately. Idek where to get the energy to study for my exams anymore.
This has been an extremely unhealthy setup for the both of us. All I want to do is lie in bed all day and not think for a second that I have you to worry about.
It makes me sad… that this has got to end someday and we’re fated to live our lives separately. I guess there’s no more reason to keep holding on when all we really ever do lately is argue and pretend we’re still trying.
It makes me sad… that nobody wants to exert any more effort into this. I’m sure I don’t want to, and I’m not seeing nor expecting anything from you. No blaming, though. We had this coming.
It makes me sad… that you’re beside me, but I can’t seem to force myself into letting you in. Maybe you had your chance and lost it; maybe I had my chance of opening up to you, but I ignored it. Maybe this is all we’re bound to be.
It makes me sad… that our happy starting point has come to this tragic end. We’ve successfully placed mutual distrust at the ultimate center of our relationship. Selfishness as the penultimate.
I did try. Not hard enough, so it seems. “It’s all in your mind!”, I kept telling myself before all this started. Even then I already knew I was never really ready enough for this. I’m sorry for failing, but please know that if there’s one thing I know for sure about us leaving each other, it’s this: It makes me sad.
You were an exception to the general rule, which meant that you had to be consciously adopted into the system. You didn’t blend right in, but had to be accepted…almost forcefully. Still, you have been kept and loved.
Sadly, there were more times a conscious kind of effort had to be exerted in keeping and loving you. And to be fair, this has to be stopped at one point. You were bound to cause an overspill in the system.
Maybe the time’s just not right. Or it’s just that we both want passive roles in this relationship, so we won’t end up risking our excellence in our own chosen fields. We seek the same kind of love; but not one of us are willing to back down, or to chase after the other.
It’s a sad reality. Still, it has to be accepted.
We were supposed to head to Camotes Island but Danao Port was too crowded. So I suggested we go straight to Malapascua instead. Now we’re here! Hurray for impulsive decisions! 🙌😁🌊🌴 (at Malapascua Island, Philippines)
Obscure. Adjective; not known to most people. 😏🔺 #art #indie #obscure #obscvra (at The Chillage)
